Stockholm tonight, Cyprus tomorrow

in less than 20 hours i'll be in cyprus. yay :)

stockholm has been great so far.

we stayed in Södra Ängby over the weekend. det var mysigt.

i ended up playing with the whistler with my brother a long time. i love it. im trying to convince him to let me keep it :)

anywho. we went to Drottningsholm today. and then Kungliga Slottet.

And yeah. fun fun fun.

Now i'm sitting in the Radisson hotel, watching Privileged with a tummy full of kebab pizza.

Somebody has to go see Harry Potter 6 with me :)

aiight.

See you in 2 weeks :D

Flygplats

nu sitter jag på admirals clubben på flygplatsen.

yay.

och äter trail mix eller vadå...

inte så himla mycket har hänt än så länge.

planet åker om ungefär 2 timmar.

inte så mycket att göra.

vet inte vad jag ska göra.

i morse var jag på Firewheel (vår mall) med mina bästisar.

det var skönt. men varmt som fan.

our plane was delayed forever. well 35 minutes...but still. we have an hour and a half left...blaaahh.

traffic was bad on the way over but just at the end bit.

yuuup.

It's over.

5 of us got in the car.

My brother was at a sleepover.

I was sniffling when we walked in.

They explained the procedure and i started crying a bit.

They took her away to put in the catheter.

When she came back she was really nervous and made sure my hand was on her the entire time.

We moved her to a soft blanket laid out on the floor.

The vet came in and gave her a sedative.

Now I was full-out crying.

My mom started crying.

The vet left us for a bit to comfort her. we hugged her and petted her.

The vet came back in and gave her the final injection.

She put her head down and slowly fell asleep.

Jenny, my mom, and I were sobbing.

My dad was fighting tears but failing.

The vet checked and said "okay she's gone" and left us.

We all sobbed and hugged her.

When we were ready I kissed her on her head one last time.

I tried to hold on to the memory of her soft fur.

4 of us left.

13 years.

13 years and 4 months.

My birthday is 4/13.

Today is the day she died.

Today is my names day.

What a gift.

I need a fucking drink.

If there was ever a time to drink my pain away, this would be it.

8.30am tomorrow morning.

that will be when we put my best friend to sleep.

my darling puppy dog, 13 1/2 years old, a fighter until the end.

she's had a cyst, multiple infections, and

arthritis. each time she came back stronger than ever.

but not last time. or this time. and now we've come to terms that she wont come back stronger again. this is it. she's at the point now where she's in pain and its not fair to keep her like that.

it may be the hardest thing ive ever done up to now.

im pretty sure it is. harder than deciding to move to a different fucking country.

harder than dialing those awful three numbers in times of emergencies.

harder than letting people go and accepting defeat to stupid situations.

this is the worst.

you may think im dumb cause shes just a dog.

but shes not just a dog. shes been in our family longer than my brother.

she really is a part of our family.

shes cherished and loved and every time that tornado siren goes, shes the one i check on and get to safety.

13.5 years is a long fucking time.

ive been with her longer than all of my friends.

my head is pounding.

ill miss you so so much sweetie.

[[ It'll always be you and me, babe. ]]

Wherever you go, be it heaven or just into the earth,

I hope you will never know pain

And if karma really does exist and you are reborn,

I really hope you live the greatest life ever known.

I may not know what I believe in personally

but I know you deserve a life beyond this.

R.I.P

1996-2009

Snowy Frisendahl

My best friend

Always loyal, Always true.

Happiness

So I decided to find my prom and graduation dresses here cause its so much cheaper and plus then nobody else will have the exact same one :)

but i havent really found anything. except for today. i found my prom dress. its red and cute and i love it :D

plus i got new shoes and my mom bought me sunglasses :) theyre huuge but i like them and theyll come in handy in cyprus.

tomorrow is my goodbye party. im really excited. i hope most people could go cause i know a lot of people were out of town or busy or whatever. or have summer school. gross.

anyways.

im happy.

Summer Storm

We had hail today. And thunderstorms. Pouring rain. Its about 34 degrees Celsius right now.

Skönt.

Schema

Last night my family went to my dad's bästis/coworkers house for a barbeque party. it was a lot of fun. we swam, talked to my dads friends (they are all hilarious and love us), reminisced ("i remember when you were this small!" and "you cant be 17! that means im ooold!"), and in the end, we played drinking games. of course, my mom wouldnt let me drink so i just had 7up...but still, i owned. we were playing flippy cup hahaha.

my family is really good at it. like, me and my brother and my dad got it almost right away. maybe its because me and my brother were sober and my dad is just good at that kind of thing.

hahaha and then they had watermelon soaked in vodka...

my parents friends are funny.

i miss going to barbeques like this. we used to go all the time but now its only once every so often. hm :/

anyways, heres the weeks schedule

Sunday

• Driving
• Packing

Monday

• Possibly go shopping
• Finish all laundry
• Go to the library
• Packing

Tuesday

• Packing
• Party :)

Wednesday

• Final packing
• Hang out with friends

Thursday

• Done packing
• Hang out with friends
• Leave for Stockholm

UGH!

Thursday I asked my dad if we could go driving. He said saturday.

Yesterday i asked if we could go before going to albertsons since we'd be out anyways. he misheard and said yes and then said no later when he realized what i had asked.

that was letdown #1.

now im getting ready to finally go driving again, as its been a week since ive gone cause my mom is too freaked out to take me again (even though i didnt kill anyone or do anything bad, shes just nervous that i will but i was in my lane and everything was fine...), and my mom says, "leave dad alone, go driving tomorrow" letdown #2.

great. now i get to wait again. and we're going to a family party thing tonight where we will probably come home late so tomorrow morning we'll all wake up at 11 or so and my mom will complain about how its too hooot and i should just wait for monday.

i only have a week to keep driving before we leave and itll be a year and then ill take my license test. i want to know the feel of a car.

and then today my dog started coughing and hacking stuff up and it seems like shes in pain so we're being serious about putting her down, maybe incredibly soon. letdown #3.

Catchup

we played poker at the park. this is breckenridge park at sunset :)

hahaha its the texas flag made from poker chips :D

this is where i work on school stuff now...

oh man, ive missed downtown dallas. its beautiful isnt it?

two-headed turtle...

how cute is that?

the main thing is that we have fun, right?

or maybe not. we're all just freaks.

a heart-healthy breakfast? i think not.

i died all day from this stupid thing.

That is, I think i disagree

Lovely day today. Had lunch with my mom, brother, and one of my moms best friends today at Taco Bell. I've been there like 5 times so far :D 4 of them were with aivy, haha. and ive gotten a quesadilla the last 4 times. ooooh my goood i love quesadillas. i have to learn how to make them.

anyways, so that was that. then aivy and nancy came over before they had dance practice and i was their "dj" and clipped together their songs. it was easy, but jobbigt cause i didnt have anything that was a record scratching noise so i just clipped out sounds from Without Me by Eminem. it was awful. but in the end it was alright. after i added echos and fading in/out and record scratches. oy oy oy.

then it was swimming of course. my skin is ruined because i swim every single day and my skin does not react well to chlorine. its completely dried out now and awful but its worth it. and ive tanned! a normal tan now :D

then it was to Fry's to get a Nintendo DS Lite for my brother. it was a gift to him because he's been good or something lately. hes gone to a summer school camp thing and done really well, basketball camp, super great as catcher for his baseball team, and now indoor soccer camp. so my mom was rewarding him i guess. plus he was saving up to buy one anyways.

we were listening to the beatles album in the car and i kept thinking "what. the. fuck. how can they make such amazing music?" i mean, seriously. its amazing, track after track. that is true musical talent right there. and then i had a train of thought and remembered that everyone back in sweden should watch Across the Universe. well, maybe not everyone. its an awesome movie but then its really artistic and bizarre at the same time. basically its a story written to beatles music.

Jim Sturgess and Joe Anderson are so hot though ;)

heres one of my favorite songs from the movie. its kind of in the beginning so yeah.

Fan vad bra jag är

Har sittat därute och bara jobbat för 4 timmar idag.

Å, vad skönt. Seriöst. Det var så jävla bra väder idag. Fast inte mellan 12 och 19 :P Men efter, det var som Sverige's varmaste väder :)

Det är 28 grader i poolen. Och det känns ganska kallt nu när solen skiner på man.

Iaf. Juste.

JAG ÄR SÅ JÄVLA GLAD.

Idag har jag jobbat och jobbat och nu är jag klar med IA research proposal. Jag vet, jag skulle vara klar med den i maj eller juni, men det var jag inte och jag har inte riktigt satt ner och jobbat ens på sommaren. Så jag har stolt över mig själv.

Och jag har läste hälfte av Mig Äger Ingen. Den är bra, men ganska tråkigt ibland.

Men ja. Fan! Så glad!

Och min pappa har hjälpte jättemycket faktis med min forskning. Han vissade finance.google.com till mig. Den där är bäst, det lovar jag! Helt stock analysis och allting! bara om du vet vad stock symbol-en är.

Japp. Men nu ska jag sova ganska tidigt och kliv up tidigt.

Jag känns som allting måste ändra nu. Jag måste ordna mig och focusera på vad jag måste göra and bara göra det. Det är inte så komplicerad.

Jag sa nånting idag utan tänka på det och kom på att det var helt sant.

"IB is not hard at all. We're all just a bunch of whiners who hate doing work and get distracted quicker than goldfish"

Om du tänker på det, det är så. Enviro? Lätt. Business? Kanske inte så lätt men när alla kommer sent till klassen och lyssnar inte eller gör inte hemläxan, är vi så förvånad att det känns svårt?

Som jag sagt. Måste ordna och focusera. Om jag tror att det är inte svårt, så är det inte svårt.

blue lining, white trenchcoat!

nu lyssnar jag till mando diao och jobbar hårdt på business internal.

och kommer jättemycket fram med den!

nu har jag en research question, notes, och en intervju (fast bara frågor utan svaret)!

success!

jag sitter ut på bakgården också och solen har gått ner och allting känns så lagom.

eller kanske nästan perfekt?

ja, det här känns riktigt som hemma.

Älskar det här, nu och alltid <3

Brüno with mother = shieza.

So the movie wasnt that bad at first.

but the penis spinning around on the full size screen, the numerous gay sex scenes (and its not gross because it was gay, it was gross because he was being sucked by a hand vacuum held by his pygmy lover and you get to see his balls flapping around inside the transparent vacuum), and a very visual acted out blowjob scene where bruno was sucking and sticking his finger in an imaginary asshole; well it was too much with my mother sitting a couple seats to the right.

to explain a bit, my mother is korean.  she grew up never seeing a penis pretty much.  nudity isnt as accepted in korea as in sweden.  after she met my dad and came to sweden she was in complete shock about teenagers just tearing off their clothes and jumping into the water at the beach.  but shes better now.  but it was still too much for her eyes.

had i seen it with friends it would be borderline.  i mean, it was practically porn half the time.

the other half of the time though, it was hilarious.

and my mom and my friends mom opted for leaving.

which kind of sucked cause i wanted to see the baby part at least.

sigh.

Distractions

Went with friends today who always make me feel better.

Love this song:

cant find a download anywhere and i cant get limewire at the moment...

so its youtube for me.

accidentally took my friends phone home with me.

gotta drop it off tomorrow.  my dad miiight let me drive there.  but he doesnt know how i drive so he said we'll see.

i have a new option and a very probable one at that:

1. Graduate from Östra

2. Go to University of Texas at Dallas (UTD) for a year to get my basic classes done. (apparently they LOVE IB kids.)

3. Transfer to New York University for a full undergrad/grad programme.

yay.  then i get to live in sweden one year, dallas the next, and new york city the year after that.

emma you with me?

if i go to utd, id live in a dorm i think though.  so emma, if that happens, we'll have to sneak you in :) itll be fun though.  dorm parties! :P

The Good and The Incredibly Bad.

i guess the good first.

the depressing news.

we may be putting our dog to sleep.

this dog has been in our family longer than my brother.

i love this dog.

i missed her more than anyone else pretty much over the year.

and now...

my mom wants to do it before we leave. she says itll be easier on everyone.

but that doesnt make it fucking easy.

it means sometime in the next 2 weeks.

i knew it was coming. shes 13 or 14 years old. i knew it was coming.

but now its here and i just cant deal with it. at all.

shes my dog. shes the best dog. everyone thats ever met her goes "oh my god, snowy!"

my moms friend whos buddhist or something says shes such a good dog she'll be born as a human in her next life.

shes my dads favorite.

shes my favorite.

ive never been to a funeral.

ive never put an animal down.

i dont know how to go about this.

all i know is that i cant look at her without my eyes watering.

Don't Trust Me

T-tell your boyfriend if he says hes got beef,
That I'm a vegetarian and I ain't fucking scared of him.

She wants to touch me (Woah),
She wants to love me (Woah),
She'll never leave me (Woah, woah, oh, oh),
Don't trust a ho,
Never trust a ho,
Won't trust a ho,
Won't trust me.

haha funny song.

Weird.

So my dad knows I like beer.  He offered me a Corona.  My mom spazzed.

Definitely on the weird side.  Like, I knew she would be upset cause she wants me to never drink or smoke or do drugs cause im her baby or whatever, but i mean...seriously?  it was beer.  just one.  in our own kitchen.

Anywho.

Biked over to Breckenridge park today to play poker with some friends. Hah.  Definitely addicted.  It was fun though.  I saw some friends i havent seen since even before i left.  We semi-planned for a day at the zoo next week.

So to fill you in, me and my besties do weird things with nicknames.  i dont know what it is, its just a thing we have.  like, once we gave all our friends fruit names.  it started off cause we were talking about who to invite to a party and they were right there so we called them by fruit so they wouldnt know that we were talking about them.  it ended up we gave everyone names.  i still know these names (well i had a bit of a recalling period after going through aivy's phone list).

but then we also have like...elite names i guess you could call it.  for example, aivy is fox, melody is shox, and im knox.  i like these names and we actually use them.  its my gaming name now :P

Recently we decided we wanted animal names so we started coming up with stuff.  aivy is G-Raffe, i'm Z/Bra, melody is P-Guino, connie is P-Bear (polar not panda). and now we're giving out names to other people.  cathryn is now du-CK (sounds hilarious out loud).  and yeah...its just silly childlike fun.  but its whatever.

the point of all of this is...im not sure what.

oh yeah.  i want to go to the dallas zoo and i plan to next tuesday.  i hope i can.  as in, there are no huge family plans.  cause in our house, family plans trump friends plans unless its big enough to be negotiable.  it works out most of the time...

anywho again.

the nights have been really nice and cool.  its 29 right now but a nice breeze and no sun and not that humid so its like, shorts and t-shirt weather but not hot.

i really liked biking outside.  i wanna go biking as much as i can before it rises again.

itll be 39 on friday and sunday.  its starting to get up there... its not as hot this summer.  its usually getting to about 40-41 around now.  and then by august we'll have like three days of 45 and then itll drop back to 40 for another week or two and then 35-40 until fall.

its really hot but unless youre outside between 11 and 3, its not as bad as youd think.

ive been sitting by the pool pretty much everyday between those times, trying to memorize my skin frying so that when the snow comes i can hold on to something from home.

what about college?  QuadC has a music business program.  I could live at home...save money.  nah.  couldnt live at home.  i love home but its really time i get out.  ive been pretty much ready to get out since i was like 14.  sigh.  senior year wont be at all how i imagined it would be.  not in a bad way, but in a way that i feel like i should really check.  is this REALLY what i want.  PESH was where everything was leading to.

this is turning into a really long post, so sorry but i write as i think and i always get carried away...

but seriously.  its a great school.  there are great people with the culture that i grew up with.  i know a looot of people and can walk the halls and actually say hey to people.  IB may be nerds but theyre still cool with the rest of the school.  well, some of us anyways.

and its just...PESH is a great school.  with hilarious teachers.  GOOD teachers.

if i stay i can get my license, a car, a job, start saving for college and go to school with my best friends.  hanging out with aivy and melody all the time drives me crazy cause we all have the same silly side that just makes every time we chill a workout for your abs cause youre laughing so incredibly hard.  we have mutual understandings.

if i stay i may not be able to do IB but if i did AP then i could probably still get into my senior year and be here.  and i wouldnt have to do stupid Swedish B HL.

and i could have my room with all my music equipment.  maybe i do want to be a producer instead.  i havent tried it yet so how do i know?  applying to college here is much easier when you have a high school transcript, not a bunch of promises and expected grades.  i wont get my grades until July.  That means i wont know if i really graduated until July.  thats dumb.

uuuuggghh.  everything would be easier if i stayed.

except for the part where ive already tasted a bit of sweden.

a n d   i t   w a s   f u c k i n   f  a n t a s t i c .

Suger.

So apparently Club 17 was closed today.  We found out about 2 hours before we were gonna leave...but we scraped together a fun evening anyways.

Started off with going to Genghis grill (Mongolian Grill) where i had a great meal.  the guy kind of looked at me funny when i gave him my bowl and asked me "uh...is that it? dont you want more?" so i went back and got more and when another guy delivered it he was like "these are the smallest bowls ive ever seen.  you guys really should get more." haha.  we had some fun with the waiters.

first i told them 3 people.  then aivy said, no there are 5 people coming.  then suddenly another person showed up so we said okay well thats 6.  but maybe 7.  and then a 7th person came.  and just as we were getting our checks an 8th person showed.  fun.  we ended up sitting there for about an hour and a half.

then we headed over to alexis's house (she lives right down the street from me) and we watched The Road to El Dorado and Anastasia while playing with her puppy.  it was fun.

i love my friends :)

aivy and i were talking about what college would be like.  i mean, we're starting our senior year.  after this is the real fun stuff.  we'll be legal adults and in charge of our own lives.  well actually aivy and i have great parents who really let us do whatever we want, but everyone else seems to be held back by parents all the time.  its insane.  and frustrating.

like today, aivy and i wanted to go clubbing so we decided to go clubbing.  ("clubbing" is a fun word for it.  club 17 serves no drinks.  basically its just dancefloors and djs...) but a lot of people couldnt go cause it was in downtown (where the crime rate is uber high) and it would be at night and all the drivers are teenagers...which is ridiculous.

i cant wait for college.

Drink all day

Play all night

Let's get it poppin'

I'm in Miami trick

that songs been stuck in my head all day.  aivy and i sang it pretty much the last 5 hours...

being home is such a comfort.  it feels right.

which is bringing  up a nagging question of

What if i stay?

Why is it

that all your favorite clothes disappear when you want to look nice when you go out?

Heres the plan tonight:

It could very possibly be the dumbest place i ever go to, but who knows, maybe i'll have fun anyways...wish me luck?

Poker Night

What: Texas Hold 'Em night

When: uhh some time after i get back

Where: we'll figure that out later, but probably hos mig.

Who: everyones invited.

music, food and drinks, poker

sounds good right?

:)

i ' m   a d d i c t e d .

Its July 4th!

todays plan:

-recover from playing poker from midnight to 6.30 in the morning last night (texas hold 'em baby ;D)

-brisket burger! :D:D:D

-set up new pool furniture stuff

-barbeque (beer brats for the win!)

-meet some friends at breckenridge park for the fireworks show

songs of the week:

and

by the way, i have some plans to clear up with you guys (emma/jenny). itll be fun but ill post later.

Teamwork!

5 stars! so funny and cute :D

am now working on a collaboration with aivy in making a cover of t-pains "church." haha ill let you know how it goes....it was either that or dead prez's "hip hop" but this was easier to start with. but then we got bored so we went to aivys house with cathryn to watch mr and mrs smith.

we didnt finish it though :/ i havent seen it in forever. it was just about as bad as i remembered though. well i take that back. its not BAD. its just...a bit slow in the beginning. and then the middle is funny but then it gets too soft and then its like...wait, is this even the same movie anymore?! its a weird movie.

but somehow i like it overall.

...weird...

Just look and you'll see me lying there

Drove again this morning, I'm really getting the hang of it and I'm loving every second of it. I think watching Fast and Furious really sparked a more intense love of driving. Hahaha. Oh well. No harm in it anyway...Sort of.

I wanna learn how to drift...Well i know how, but i dont know HOW. I get that you do a sharp turn into the turn and i think you rip the handbrake and spin the wheel in the opposite direction. Hmm. I think my dad can do it. weird eh? my dad is actually really interesting :P

Anywho, dipped

out around 6 and went to mcdonalds with some friends for a milkshake. then we realized that we just consumed about 600 calories in one of those drinks so we went to the park trying to burn off at least a little bit. it was fun. we spent most of the time climbing on one slide. fun fun fun!

now im preparing to switch all my stuff over to my new laptop. basically im just going from a powerbook g4 to a macbook pro. theyre the same, just ones only 3 years old whereas the other one (mine) is 6 years old. not that its no good, its amazing. its just my dad gets a new one every 3 years and i am the quickest to call dibs on it :)

ive realized that i dont really have any stuff of my own that i bought. nearly everything i own is secondhand. but theyre still really good stuff and i try not to take it for granted.

the only thing thats really mine that i bought myself and everything is my guitar. i miss it :( i left it in sweden cause i thought "oh well i can just play my other guitar while im there" and now i have my home studio set up and no amazing guitar to rip some great music...sigh.