It's Been 3 Months Since You Left Me

And I still miss you every day.
My darling.
They want to replace you but it doesn't seem possible.
You meant more to me than most people have in my life.
You were family.  You are family.
I miss and love you baby.

You said move on, where do I go?
I guess second best is all I'll ever know

It's over.

5 of us got in the car.

My brother was at a sleepover.

I was sniffling when we walked in.

They explained the procedure and i started crying a bit.

They took her away to put in the catheter.

When she came back she was really nervous and made sure my hand was on her the entire time.

We moved her to a soft blanket laid out on the floor.

The vet came in and gave her a sedative.

Now I was full-out crying.

My mom started crying.

The vet left us for a bit to comfort her. we hugged her and petted her.

The vet came back in and gave her the final injection.

She put her head down and slowly fell asleep.

Jenny, my mom, and I were sobbing.

My dad was fighting tears but failing.

The vet checked and said "okay she's gone" and left us.

We all sobbed and hugged her.

When we were ready I kissed her on her head one last time.

I tried to hold on to the memory of her soft fur.

4 of us left.

13 years.

13 years and 4 months.

My birthday is 4/13.

Today is the day she died.

Today is my names day.

What a gift.

I need a fucking drink.

If there was ever a time to drink my pain away, this would be it.

8.30am tomorrow morning.

that will be when we put my best friend to sleep.

my darling puppy dog, 13 1/2 years old, a fighter until the end.

she's had a cyst, multiple infections, and

arthritis. each time she came back stronger than ever.

but not last time. or this time. and now we've come to terms that she wont come back stronger again. this is it. she's at the point now where she's in pain and its not fair to keep her like that.

it may be the hardest thing ive ever done up to now.

im pretty sure it is. harder than deciding to move to a different fucking country.

harder than dialing those awful three numbers in times of emergencies.

harder than letting people go and accepting defeat to stupid situations.

this is the worst.

you may think im dumb cause shes just a dog.

but shes not just a dog. shes been in our family longer than my brother.

she really is a part of our family.

shes cherished and loved and every time that tornado siren goes, shes the one i check on and get to safety.

13.5 years is a long fucking time.

ive been with her longer than all of my friends.

my head is pounding.

ill miss you so so much sweetie.

[[ It'll always be you and me, babe. ]]

Wherever you go, be it heaven or just into the earth,

I hope you will never know pain

And if karma really does exist and you are reborn,

I really hope you live the greatest life ever known.

I may not know what I believe in personally

but I know you deserve a life beyond this.

R.I.P

1996-2009

Snowy Frisendahl

My best friend

Always loyal, Always true.