"Noodling"

I was watching the new episode of Cougar Town when "Noodling" came up.  I recognized the term but I didn't really remember.  As soon as they explained it, horrible images came to my head.  I remembered.  Oh yeah.  Definitely remembered.

Noodling is when you stick your hand in a hole in a lake, looking for catfish.  The catfish will basically swallow your hand and you can then pull it up, basking in the glory of your newly caught fish.

It's disturbing is what it is.

I've never done it, but I learned what it was a couple years back.  It freaks me out, honestly.  Then again, it would definitely be facing my fears if I were to do it.  Fish freak me out.  Except for tropical fish...

I really love tropical fish.

Yes:

No:

(Oh my goodness, I'm pretty much hyperventilating just from looking at this picture now.  My feet are staying up and I'll be sleeping with the lights on tonight...I have a super irrational fear of Lake.  All because of the stupid association with that stupid but extremely terrifying dream I had...)

Miss Beatrix Potter

Yesterday I watched a film with  my grandparents.  It was the film with Renee Zellweger as Beatrix Potter and Ewen McGregor as her publisher and it was just a simple and nice film.  I grew up with these stories so it was super nice to recognize all the small name.  Flopsy, Mopsy, Cottontail, and Peter :)

I want a cat named Tom Kitten, a goldfish called Little Proof, two bunnies named Peter and Benjamin, and a golden retriever whose name I haven't found yet...

It's insane how much I love goldens.  It makes my heart ache thinking of getting another one though, after Snowy.  Snowy was so perfect, I can't imagine it...

But how could one resist?

I doubt that I'll have any pets in the next 5 or so years though, just because of school and probably moving around, I wouldn't want to do that to a pet.  Not if I couldn't give it the attention and love it deserves.  I might get a cat soon though.  We'll see.  Depends on where I am and such.

I can't wait to get a golden though.  They literally make my heart explode more than any other dog or animal really.  Maybe it's just the memories of Snowy...I'm not sure.

I miss her like crazy every day.

It's Been 3 Months Since You Left Me

And I still miss you every day.
My darling.
They want to replace you but it doesn't seem possible.
You meant more to me than most people have in my life.
You were family.  You are family.
I miss and love you baby.

You said move on, where do I go?
I guess second best is all I'll ever know

It's over.

5 of us got in the car.

My brother was at a sleepover.

I was sniffling when we walked in.

They explained the procedure and i started crying a bit.

They took her away to put in the catheter.

When she came back she was really nervous and made sure my hand was on her the entire time.

We moved her to a soft blanket laid out on the floor.

The vet came in and gave her a sedative.

Now I was full-out crying.

My mom started crying.

The vet left us for a bit to comfort her. we hugged her and petted her.

The vet came back in and gave her the final injection.

She put her head down and slowly fell asleep.

Jenny, my mom, and I were sobbing.

My dad was fighting tears but failing.

The vet checked and said "okay she's gone" and left us.

We all sobbed and hugged her.

When we were ready I kissed her on her head one last time.

I tried to hold on to the memory of her soft fur.

4 of us left.

13 years.

13 years and 4 months.

My birthday is 4/13.

Today is the day she died.

Today is my names day.

What a gift.

The Good and The Incredibly Bad.

i guess the good first.

the depressing news.

we may be putting our dog to sleep.

this dog has been in our family longer than my brother.

i love this dog.

i missed her more than anyone else pretty much over the year.

and now...

my mom wants to do it before we leave. she says itll be easier on everyone.

but that doesnt make it fucking easy.

it means sometime in the next 2 weeks.

i knew it was coming. shes 13 or 14 years old. i knew it was coming.

but now its here and i just cant deal with it. at all.

shes my dog. shes the best dog. everyone thats ever met her goes "oh my god, snowy!"

my moms friend whos buddhist or something says shes such a good dog she'll be born as a human in her next life.

shes my dads favorite.

shes my favorite.

ive never been to a funeral.

ive never put an animal down.

i dont know how to go about this.

all i know is that i cant look at her without my eyes watering.