I Don't Believe in Fairy Tales

Wee hoo.  Är hemma nu efter att har varit på Sonic med några vänner.  Today is a slushee day :)
Igår var kul.  Började med att jag sa hejdå till två av mina bästisar som skulle till Austin till påsk och sen var det filmfest med popcorn o brownies. Lolzzz.  Biljard kom efter med mera kompisar och flying kites innan vi får till Steak N' Shake kl 02.00 på morgonen (Happy Hour, y'know).

Imorse var jag på en "economic experiment" och var hemskt lycklig när jag fick 63.50 dollar efter 2 timmar.  Sjukt.  Awesssoomme.  Och jag har en ny projekt som kommer att ge mig lite extra fickpengar.

Inte mycket mer att säga.  Finals kommer snart och jag har börjat kolla på study abroad saker (Cypern??).  Och om universitet i Sverige.  Stockholm to be exact. Masters i marketing? Jodå.


Hm.


Natalia Kills är fantastisk, tycker jag.

Fresh Start

Nu tänker jag att börja om med bloggen.  Att börja skriva varje dag igen kan bli bra, va?  Jag måste behålla svenskan på något sätt iallafall.

Hur som helst. Livet bara går och går.  Jag försöker hitta min väg genom allting men ibland är det svårt.  Men oftast njuter jag av alla människor och händelser i mitt liv.

Just nu finns det fem saker som jag är tänker på väldigt mycket.

1.) Jag ska försöka få praktik på en rockradiostation (?) här i Dallas.  Kan bli jättekul! Men först måste jag prata med några människor om hur det ska gå till.

2.) Självklart vill jag fortfarande jobba i musikindustrin, men jag vill också studera brott och droger.  Intressant, va? Jag läste en grej om "The Criminal Protagonist" och sen mycket om regeringen, politiskt brott, och bara droger i allmänhet (LSD, PCP, X...alla saker som jag tycker är sjuktintressant men jag ska aldrig prova).  Jag vill inte jobba med det, men jag vill absolut veta mer.  (Tänk MKULTRA)

3.) Ska köpa en bil snart!

4.) Ska kanske få ett job på kampus.  Förhoppningsvis.  Wish me luck!

5.) En av mina drömmer kanske kommer att bli verklighet i juni.  Bonnaroo.  4 dagar av musik och festar.  Och Eminem. <3


Det är pretty much everything om mig just nu.  Det finns självklart mycket mer som händer i mitt liv, men det får vi spara för senare ;)

Break My Body, Break-Break My Soul

I'm falling in love with Atmosphere all over again.

Finals week has arrived and I am now done with my Intro to MIS class, Rhet 1101, and Digital Music I. It's pretty relieving.  I could have done better in all my classes I think, but honestly?  I'm glad I didn't study more cause then I would hate college and right now I'm kind of digging it.  I need the balance of school and a social life.  And pool.

Anyways...Hmm.  Interesting things are happening. Things I'm not sure how I feel about.  I'm kind of torn between two of my own philosophies that are kind of contradictory (and by kind of I mean they are entirely contradictory) but both appeal to me.  I just hope everything turns out good.  Or fantastic, y'know...whichever one is fine.



Oh.  I am addicted.

Oh Fuck It, I'm Gonna Have A Party

I had lots of party plans this weekend but everything fell through. But I had fun nevertheless. Friday I was supposed to go to a SMU frat party, but I ended up going home instead to see my family since it was my brothers birthday the next day.  Saturday I was supposed to go see Basshunter at the Lizard Lounge but shit came up so I ended up hanging out with some other kids and studying chemistry.  Sunday included a trip to Chili's for dinner and then more studying/hanging out.

But oh man, Saturday something happened.  Basically, Aivy and Cathryn are JERKS and while I was away they got bored and decided to move my bed out to the balcony. (pictures coming soon)

And even better, I had to move it back in and make my own bed after they messed it all up. But it was worth the laughs/tears.

Tomorrow is my chem test! :O study time!

This is the life

Yesterday I did it.  I changed my major!  I am now a marketing major with a minor in music! I'm so happy because I now have the option of staying here for the next three years with my full ride, therefore saving me soooo much money compared to if I transferred...

Today has been a pretty good day.  It feels like I'm happy all the time, even when I get really depressed for a few days time.  As if the happy days make all the sad days just melt away, which is something that makes me really...well, happy.  I don't want to hate life, I want to enjoy every second.

So what's going on in my life now?  Well, still all the same.  Hanging out with people all the time, trying to be productive in my classes, intramural sports (but i missed the volleyball game tonight because of something pretty important that I had to do), the occasional utgång and the occasional visit home.

Today I got a text during my math class saying that my family was going to go visit a family friend who is in town for about a week.  So I jumped on that and got picked up.  We ate cake, drank mimosas, and had a great time.  We even set up a giant fire in their backyard and played soccer on the lawn.  We talked, we laughed, and we cried at the Rangers' loss to the Giants in Game 1 of the World Series.  (BUT the Mavs won, so there was a silver lining).  After getting home, I chilled with some super cool kids and played pool :)

Now it is 2am and I have a bit of reading to do before my head hits my pillow.  So goodnight all, or good morning to some of you...

Love and miss you all :)

Nu Sticker Jag

I'm just going to take a quick nap since I'm dead tired and then I'm off to my advisor to switch my major to Marketing with a minor in Music.  Sounds good, no?

Sigh...I'll probably end up doing all four years here in Dallas because of money.  I hate money sometimes.  I wish I could take opportunities and stuff, but I refuse to live in debt for the rest of my life.  Basically I need to start saving money so I can pay for graduate school should I choose to go...

But marketing, yeah? Music marketing would be so cool it hurts a bit.  And with a major in general marketing, I could get a job pretty much anywhere that advertises.  As in, anywhere.  As long as there were jobs, that is.

I'm confused about some stuff but I think I'm going to be okay...

You've Left Me Speechless

But this time it's in a good way.
I can't even really wrap my head around it.
Last week I read an entire history book in an hour at 01.00 in the morning before my quiz over it at 08.30.  I felt that I passed and today my teacher said that he would pass them around and he would also read a quiz that was as close to perfection as it could get and we could compare ours to it to kind of see what expectations to have.

He read my essay out loud.  I got a FUCKING A+ in HISTORY.  HOW THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN?  I'm sooooo happppyy <3 <3 <3

But now its a question of my chem exam tonight.  I had my quiz yesterday and it was awful.  like, beyond awful.  I made a 33% on my quiz but a 93% on my prequiz so now im making a 63% in that class.  Apparently that is exactly the class average...But I'm going to study today to make sure my exam goes well so I can boost my grade.



Yesterday I felt like I would have to drop out of college cause I can't do it.
I've let myself go this past weekend, hanging out with an old friend every day and neglecting school stuff.  but i got it done and now i just need to focus on working a little bit more ahead of schedule and not at the last second.
but im having fun.  thursday i was out until 4am, friday i got back around 1am, saturday my friends were over until like 2am and last night i got home at like 1.30am.  its not too good for my sleeping patterns but I still manage to get up in the morning and go to class!!  but im going to burn myself out really fast this way so im taking a break tonight, going to go to sleep early (like 21.00 hahaha) and relax so I can get back on track and hang out with the same people again on wednesday :)

We Never Lost Control

You're face to face with the man who sold the world...


I'm considering switching my major to EMAC.  Which is interesting.  I honestly don't know what I'm doing anymore.  All I know is that I need to get out of Chemistry before I get stuck with certain classes and etc etc.  I just need to get out.  I want to be in Dallas but I'm not sure I want to be at UTD anymore.

But I have a full ride here.  Maybe I should suck it up and work here?  Four years?  I doubt I can handle that.

Vet du vad jag hatar? När människor gör så att allting verkar att vara en grej men sen plötsligt glömmer bort allting.  Det är ööööver nu.  Och det började inte ens.  Tråkigt.  Men jag bryr mig inte så mycket, jag är mer liksom irriterad att ingen säger nåt.  Vet inte vad jag ska göra med det här, helt enkelt.

Vill återvända till Sverige men jag vet inte hur jag ska göra.  Jag tror att jag ska försöka hitta jobb någonstans i Sverige till nästa sommar och om jag hittar någonting som kan bli permanent på ett ställe, kanske då stannar jag?

I watched you change

For those that didn't know, I'm currently practicing driving and trying to get my license.
Well, today I got to practice some more.  I've previously gone around the neighborhood, sometimes to the park and once to Aivy's house.  But today I went down a big road (not a highway, but a main road) and it went well.  So I'm really happy :)

But now I'm home and after an hour of working in the yard with my dad it's back to the studying and homework.  I have to finish reading my book, take notes, and write my five page essay (its okay though, its double spaced and not that difficult to write).

I'm pretty amazed at how much music I'm finding from this playlist.  Some of it isn't my thing, about half I already own, but then some of it is like...wow I love this or whoaa I did not know it was by them etc etc.
So that's pretty cool.


Well, I'm out.
Later.

Artist of the Week: Sublime

Ja just det.
Nu blir det svenska, hela tiden. 100% Svenska!!
Eller...jo det finns ju undantager? Nu fattar inte ens jag vad jag vill säga.
Iaf... Ikväll är det lite festligheter hos mig eftersom de flesta av klassen är ju klar med skolan FOREVER ;) Sååå...ja ska se hur det går. Men alldeles först är middag med Jennie!! Spännande!



This song makes my life.




I got a dalmatian
I can still get high
I can play the guitar
Like a motherfuckin' riot

Lovin' Is What I Got

I Said, Remember That.

Choklad? Jo tack.

Tyvärr har jag inga choklad.
Nu är jag less igen med ingen anledning allts.
Men så är livet.  Jag ska försöka bli glad ändå...

Det är grönt överaaaallt!
Och imorgon är sista dagen för de flesta (utom 4 av oss)...
Jag har fredag kvar och sen är det rrriiiiktigt fest ;)
Men jag gillar ju att ta det lite lugnt också...

Ska se vad händer när pappa och jenny kommer.
Undrar om pappa skulle sponsorera några drinkar eller ngt...
Hmm :P

Ja ja, iaf.  Måste plugga nu.
Och sen kolla på lite Doctor Who därför jag är en nöööööörrdd ;)

One of my most favorite scenes ever.  You'd have to watch to show to get it, but this is like an ULTIMATE climax.  Like a story line that is weaved through 4 seasons and there are so many more stories to be told!!!  I love how it works.  It's brilliant, it's genius!  Even though sometimes its suuuper nerdy and geeky, its amazing.  Really.

A Night For The Ages

Thursday: Math and bus ride in. Fun times were had, awkward people were met.  Babies licked windows and the danish man wouldnt let me get my salad from under the bus.

Friday: A day on the town.  Shopping forever, school with our hostess.  Took a beer in town and after many hours, found my white dress.

That night we went to a bar where we had plenty of beer and met some very interesting people.  (Btw: Who tattoos their birthday on their arm?  Who takes the subway to a bar at 1 in the morning to meet a girl that found your number in a toilet? And who has hair like Nick from the Backstreet Boys anymore?) Super fun night anyways.

Saturday: Hungover, lunch at Burger King.  Ate so much we couldn't eat before the concert and ended up not eating another meal until 9:30am the next morning.  The concert was breathtaking.  Afterwards we met up with Lee and went to another bar on Medborgarplatsen.  Met some more very interesting (and hilarious) people that came with us to another bar.  One after party and a good amount of alcohol later, it was light outside again, we hadn't slept in forever, and we had to hurry home, pack, and run back into town to catch our bus.  All this at 7.30am when we hadn't slept a wink all night, hadn't eaten since 2 in the afternoon, had had drinks, and were struggling to stay awake and starving.  Conclusion: amazing night apart from certain events, but mostly an amazing night.

One of my favorites.  Although thats hard to say, as I loved every single song, every single speech, every single breath she took.  It was an amazing performance.  This one was the intro:
Dancing In the Dark:

Amazing!!!

Monday: English P2 (okay)

Tuesday: History P1 P2 (good)  (awful)

Wednesday: History P3 (alright).  Followed by hanging out with Jennie and just being outside all day.  Studied out on the lawn and played at the jungle gym. Askul!

Thursday: Woke up laughing after dreaming that I was a princess in a pink dress and I was going to be Miss Germany and suddenly i was in a wheelchair and had to drag myself up stairs.  Fun fun fun.  Afterwards, took Dea to school and then got some groceries and picked up my medicine.  Then Dea Hanna G and Jennie came by and we biked into town to have some ice cream.

It rained so much last night it was so great.  Thuuunnddeeer :)

Friday: Toooday is gonna be great :)  Jennie is coming over and we're going to have pancakes for dinner and study Enviro. yes yes yes!!

Omens

Today was the Business Paper 2 and Mathematics Paper 1 test.  I think they went fairly well, although I could have been a bit more prepared?  I panicked a bunch during the tests because it felt like I didn't actually know what I was talking about.  And all the signs this morning didn't help either.

First the weather was being just plain fussy.  Sunshine! Rain clouds! Sunshine! Hail! SUNSHINE!

Not to mention me waking up at exactly 5.38am and looking over to see Dea's eyes wide open on the other side of the room.  Freaky.

But the worst one was this:

I recently went to Kii and got a free tote bag because it was my birthday and I am a club member.  I love this bag btw.  Anyways, so I put some math things in there so that I could review during lunch.  In there was my calculator as well.  So I start biking with Dea on the back of the bike and my new bag hanging on the handle.  Suddenly I hit a bump or something cause the bag swings and hits my tire and the calculator leaps out.  Of course, I'm still biking as this happens so I managed to roll right over my calculator.  On the day of my math exam.

All was well in the end, but it felt like I was the calculator and I had just killed myself.

And then it turns out we weren't even allowed to use calculators on the test.

I don't know.

It was weird, is all.

Tonights plans:

STUDY MATH! Paper two tomorrow!!

Pack for my trip to Stockholm!

Do laundry in order to pack!

Peace out,

catch you later ;)

Well...

I honestly think it went well.  I may just be making it seem better in my head but I honestly believe I did well.  Unless I just totally fucked everything up and didn't realize.

But I kind of killed myself studying business last weekend and it was like...I knew the answers!
So...I guess in the end it's not that surprising.  I was happy anyways.

Yeah.
As for English...Probably one of the best essays I've written in the past 2 years so that was a great success.  I don't think it was a 7 or anything, but definitely a 5 and if I'm lucky, a 6 :)  Hope it was a 6...

Enough about that.
Except there is nothing else right now.
I need money and a return ticket from stockholm and clean clothes.
Omg.
Stockholm soon!!!  I'm so excited :D  GaGa!!!


HV71 KÄMPAR PÅ ATT VINNA (VÅR HJÄLTAR!)

Så Typiskt

Att det kommer att regna under tiden jag och emma är i Stockholm :/
Men vi kommer att ha skitkul iaf, det är jag säkert på.

Imorgon bitti börjar det!
Finals! Eek!
Engelska (Del 1 av 2) kl 9.00 och sen Business (Del 1 av 2) kl 12.00.

Få väl se hur det går?

Wish me luck!

738

I've sat since yesterday morning and just studied business.
I've read through 738 pages.  I know business now.  I'm ready for the test.
I know the case study.  I can do this, right?

Now just math and english and history and enviro and swedish left :)

But it was worth it.  Lady GaGa is in less than a week as well.  Fun fun fun!

Now Dea and I are going to eat vanilla ice cream with warm raspberries and enjoy our break before the math studying starts :)

The Downward Spiral

Skipped school today.

But not because I'm too cool for school.

More like cause I'm a geek and am studying at home.

Nothing like taking a sick day to prepare for exams...

Both yesterday and today I've just felt completely shitty.  Really really shitty.

I just feel...sur at everything.

Only my "golden" people are making me feel happy today...

But I'm done with IB Swedish and History forever! Classes that is.  And business.  And English.  And Environmental Systems and Societies.  All thats standing between me and finals is one math lesson. Wow.

Anyways.

Yesterday I saw a great performance at Norrlands Operahus.  It was a performance by a group called the Ahn Trio consisting of three sisters from Soeul (<3) who live in New York and went to Julliard.  It kind of made me wonder what would have happened if I had put my heart and soul into the piano or viola or guitar.  I would have absolutely loved to go to Julliard...

Today I went to the bank and fixed this whole situation with my Visa card...Should have it completely done next week or the week after, depending on when I get it...I have my trip to Stockholm to think about ;)

That trip almost doesn't feel real...

Sighhh...

Still feel just...angry at life.  With no reason at all.  And I know I've been having bad dreams but for once in my life I can't really recall what they are.  I keep waking up with my teeth clenched and thinking "oh...maybe I should relax..."  Now that I know I'm doing it I'm trying to stop until I can get a bite guard or whatever its called.

I keep waking up and thinking I'm home.  I woke up this morning and there was construction going on outside (drilling, of course...).  But I woke up completely convinced I was in my bed at home, it was spring and my neighbor was mowing his lawn.  That's what I'm used to even if I haven't woken up to that in 2 years.  2 fucking years.  I miss home...I'm generally a mature person but there are also lots of kid elements in me and one of them is missing waking up in my bed and going out to eat breakfast and my brother is watching saturday cartoons and my dad is reading the newspaper.  I eat peanut butter on toast and go outside and sit with Snowy and just let her sit next me and hug her and scratch her belly.  She's such a comfort to me and I miss her so incredibly much it's insane.  Really really insane.  She was the first one close to me to die...

But I made a glass of lemonade so I'm feeling slightly better.  Lemonade and plugg for me!

I can't even think about eating...I've just lost my appetite completely.  Maybe I'll be hungry later?

I'm not reacting to the stress very well these days.  I'm usually okay at it.

But I cried last night and I cried today and I haven't cried about anything other than Snowy in a long time.

Maybe I'll feel better after I study some more.

Or when finals are over.

Or when summer is here.

Or when I'm back in Dallas.

Or when I start college.

Or never.

Out of Control

Studying is going somewhat well...

Jennie helps :P

I also got my prom dress in the mail.

My mommy sent it :)

Yer moms under the influence.

Suddenly I feel under the weather.
But it'll be fine.  I'm just considering skipping tomorrow at school
to study at home.
It might be better for me anyways.

Plus it's fish for lunch.
It's almost weird how I'm almost craving fish.  But not quite.
Hm...

2 weeks.
2 weeks and then i'll start the exams.
And then 3 weeks after that, it'll be done.
I just need to put my heart in it
while making sure i stay healthy at the same time.




Jag längtar till Dallas, ärligt talat.
Även om jag kommer att sakna Umeå som satan...

Vad ska jag göra???

Trött som fan

Och kan inte lyssna till lektionen just nu.
Orkar inte.

I want to study by myself at home, but I need to be at the math and business lesson today, which are of course the last two lessons for me.

36 Days.




I'm incredibly worried.
It's such a terrifying thought that I don't even know how to talk about.
I don't know if I want to.
I guess all I can do now is pray to God that nothing goes wrong.
That it's not as serious as it all seems.
That they're messing with me.
And just focus on getting through school.

I  miss my family so much.

I'm sad to leave but I honestly am so happy to be going home.