The Downward Spiral

Skipped school today.

But not because I'm too cool for school.

More like cause I'm a geek and am studying at home.

Nothing like taking a sick day to prepare for exams...

Both yesterday and today I've just felt completely shitty.  Really really shitty.

I just feel...sur at everything.

Only my "golden" people are making me feel happy today...

But I'm done with IB Swedish and History forever! Classes that is.  And business.  And English.  And Environmental Systems and Societies.  All thats standing between me and finals is one math lesson. Wow.

Anyways.

Yesterday I saw a great performance at Norrlands Operahus.  It was a performance by a group called the Ahn Trio consisting of three sisters from Soeul (<3) who live in New York and went to Julliard.  It kind of made me wonder what would have happened if I had put my heart and soul into the piano or viola or guitar.  I would have absolutely loved to go to Julliard...

Today I went to the bank and fixed this whole situation with my Visa card...Should have it completely done next week or the week after, depending on when I get it...I have my trip to Stockholm to think about ;)

That trip almost doesn't feel real...

Sighhh...

Still feel just...angry at life.  With no reason at all.  And I know I've been having bad dreams but for once in my life I can't really recall what they are.  I keep waking up with my teeth clenched and thinking "oh...maybe I should relax..."  Now that I know I'm doing it I'm trying to stop until I can get a bite guard or whatever its called.

I keep waking up and thinking I'm home.  I woke up this morning and there was construction going on outside (drilling, of course...).  But I woke up completely convinced I was in my bed at home, it was spring and my neighbor was mowing his lawn.  That's what I'm used to even if I haven't woken up to that in 2 years.  2 fucking years.  I miss home...I'm generally a mature person but there are also lots of kid elements in me and one of them is missing waking up in my bed and going out to eat breakfast and my brother is watching saturday cartoons and my dad is reading the newspaper.  I eat peanut butter on toast and go outside and sit with Snowy and just let her sit next me and hug her and scratch her belly.  She's such a comfort to me and I miss her so incredibly much it's insane.  Really really insane.  She was the first one close to me to die...

But I made a glass of lemonade so I'm feeling slightly better.  Lemonade and plugg for me!

I can't even think about eating...I've just lost my appetite completely.  Maybe I'll be hungry later?

I'm not reacting to the stress very well these days.  I'm usually okay at it.

But I cried last night and I cried today and I haven't cried about anything other than Snowy in a long time.

Maybe I'll feel better after I study some more.

Or when finals are over.

Or when summer is here.

Or when I'm back in Dallas.

Or when I start college.

Or never.

Out of Control

Studying is going somewhat well...

Jennie helps :P

I also got my prom dress in the mail.

My mommy sent it :)

Artist of the Week

I haven't been doing any artist of the weeks lately but I found this and had to share.

It's actually not artist of the week, but DJ of the week.

DJ Dain is pretty wicked at mash ups. This one makes me just...happy :)

Men Du.

Nevermind.
I'll tell you later.

Okej.

Har inte orkat rakt blogga för ett tag.  Inget särskilt att prata om...
Fast det är ju egentligen mycket som händer...

Jennie har varit här nåra timmar och pluggat och tittat lite på våra serier :P  Självklart har vi gjort det.


Dea är förstås en rrrriktigt freak.

Finals start May 4th.
May 8th is the Lady GaGa concert...
May 21st I'll have finished my exams.
June 3rd is prom.
June 5th Jenny and Dad are coming.
June 10th is graduation.
then it'll just be an abundance of peace and chilling in Umeå until July 15-20th when I go home.
Wow.  June 20th...Men jag vill ju bo hos Jennie ett tag innan jag far...DUH :D  då skulle jag har bott med två av mina bästisar i ett år :P
Fint fint.
Bra bra.


Taggad.

I'm super stressed but I think it'll blow over soon.  Just as long as I focus when i have the time.
And not blog.  Like now.

SM GULD SHA LA LA LA LAA

Ååååh vad bra...Teemu Laine <3

Two Versions

Of a really great leaked song.

Original:


Cover:

Yer moms under the influence.

Suddenly I feel under the weather.
But it'll be fine.  I'm just considering skipping tomorrow at school
to study at home.
It might be better for me anyways.

Plus it's fish for lunch.
It's almost weird how I'm almost craving fish.  But not quite.
Hm...

2 weeks.
2 weeks and then i'll start the exams.
And then 3 weeks after that, it'll be done.
I just need to put my heart in it
while making sure i stay healthy at the same time.




Jag längtar till Dallas, ärligt talat.
Även om jag kommer att sakna Umeå som satan...

Vad ska jag göra???

Du får inte stoppa köttbullar i näsan markus

:)

Sugar and Spite

Unkle Bob is probably my favorite band right now :)
They just make me happy...

This weekend was great.  Had a great time at the bbq party on friday which led to Hanna g sleeping at my place and making spaghetti at 1 in the morning.  Thats the 2nd time this week hahaha.  Both with Hanna, although it was hanna l last time :P  we had a great time and then we hung out for a while before she went home.  I actually managed to study and hang out with Jennie a bit on Saturday despite my awful hangover :P.  Today I've actually started working on math a lot.

Too many people
Spend all their time alone
Too many people
Never know when to go home




Aaaahh.
I feel okay.
Stressed, but okay.

Trött som fan

Och kan inte lyssna till lektionen just nu.
Orkar inte.

I want to study by myself at home, but I need to be at the math and business lesson today, which are of course the last two lessons for me.

36 Days.




I'm incredibly worried.
It's such a terrifying thought that I don't even know how to talk about.
I don't know if I want to.
I guess all I can do now is pray to God that nothing goes wrong.
That it's not as serious as it all seems.
That they're messing with me.
And just focus on getting through school.

I  miss my family so much.

I'm sad to leave but I honestly am so happy to be going home.

:)

Hemavan/Tärnaby:

Reunion:

18th Birthday Party:

Haha and then we had a little after party :P spaghetti and chips at 2am!

We managed to get up in time for school but then we went to get prom tickets and ended up waiting in line for 2.5 hours.  damn :/  after that i didnt feel like going to school to eat fish and wait for 3 hours so i came home and am studying here.  i'll go to history later, but that doesn't start until half past 2.

I'd like to thank mina tjejer för en underbar kväll förresten! :D

Fun fun fun :)

I'm Baaaack (Again!)

Nu har jag återkommit från den helt underbart HEMAVAN.
Jag sitter i Holmsund nu faktiskt och är dum i huvudet och så har inte mina kamera grejer och kan inte ladda upp bilderna ännu.  Man oroa er inte, de kommer snart! :P
Haha det blev nästan inga bilder...Bara några från toppen av backarna....

Igår gick Dea och jag in till stan och bara kollade här och där och sen träffade min otrolig vän JENNIEBER :D  Det var verkligen AMAZING väder igår (och idag!)  Hoppas att det kommer att fortsätta så här.

Vi chillade lite och sen blev det till Willy:s med Dea och hennes syster att handla taco-grejer och andra...mat saker...


Vad glad jag är att bli hemma igen.
For serious.
Jag älskar ju Umeå.
Kommer att sakna det waaay too much :/

But on the bright side, jag kommer att stanna tills juli så jag har tid på mig att ta det lugnt och få njuta av allting som finns här.

Sigh.

Oh Sweden, why must you make this so hard for me?